When I began my law enforcement career in 1992, I had no understanding of anxiety or its perils. Naivety ruled over its reality, and I did nothing to combat it until a teary-eyed drive on a lonely dark road. Years of unaddressed trauma, of not tending to my mental, emotional, or spiritual health resulted in a deep anguish. Anxiety had silently infiltrated my armor, evading detection until I fell into depression. 

The first signs of a cop experiencing anxiety is low level aggravation intensified by hypervigilance. This is likely normal you in the cop car, but not at the house. When family becomes mindful of your hypervigilance at home you should considered this evidence of a possible looming problem and be proactive with your spiritual and emotional health. On the other hand, ignoring the evidence can lead to damaging behaviors such as affairs, alcoholism, and the compromising of integrity. 

Inevitably, in all cop families, this question will arise, “Are you okay?” A yes answer will advance you to some simple reading on workplace anxiety, maybe applying a mindfulness routine, and short-term counseling sessions. A no answer. I’m okay, why do you ask answer, is the beginning of that backpack trip through the desert you never planned on doing. 

I’ll skip all the boring stuff to tell you about anxiety’s bliss. The heaviness of all the trauma, violence, vileness, and sadness you’ve encountered will form into a weight. This weight will sit on your chest and your ballistic vest will amplify its heaviness. A bombardment of ravaging, insensible, illogical thoughts will paralyze your mind and you’ll not be able to think outside your circumstances. The full power of anxiety will crush your spirit and you’ll visit the hospital ER with an anxiety attack.

When the voice of the soul is silenced, a peaceful mind can be lost to the panic of self-preservation. No soul, no mind, just the reality of the moment. Anxiety’s touch is debilitating. Yet, there’s hope. An excellent path beyond a life of doctors visits, medication, and counseling; a journey with Christ.

There’s a writing in the Bible found in the book of Isaiah, chapter 53, verse 5. In The Message bible version It reads, “He took the punishment, and that made us whole. Through his bruises we get healed.“ It’s a bold statement on a man who died so we’d be free from the wages of sin, and be whole and healed. It’s a proclamation worthy of thorough  investigation. To determine truth or not is an important step to entering the promised healing or walking away from its gift. 

I’ve sat in many therapist sessions to combat anxiety and depression. I’ve taken varying prescription medications and I’ve applied mindfulness techniques to my everyday living. However, it wasn’t until I delved into the truth of Isaiah 53:5 that I began to feel whole, healed. I faithfully accepted the truth that sin’s curse is legitimate brokenness and sickness. I intelligently accepted the truth that Christ dying on the cross and resurrection from the dead legally atoned any who confessed His name from sin’s curse. And by accepting these I discovered a new armor; Christ. He makes me whole and healed, protects me from anxiety’s imprisonment. 

On a recent summer’s eve, I surrendered my grip on the lie, I will always suffer from depression. I ceremoniously raised that lie and set it on the back of Christ on the cross where he took my punishment. When I rose from my surrender the weight of depression was no longer with me, and anxiety’s hold was gone. No more teary eyed drives and no more panic attacks. 

There’s no greater struggle than making peace with yourself. I pray you will find that peace in Christ. It’s needed if your work is that of a peacemaker ~ LZ, Deputy Sheriff and PeaceMaker. #anxiety #cops #christ #coplife